It’s happened to us all: we see a glamorous-looking photo on Instagram, of smiling ladies in fabulous outfits, in front of a beautiful backdrop…and then we realize those are our friends… hanging out without us.
Hey, why wasn’t I invited?! Did I do something wrong? Are they just not that into me?
You are not alone in this and no, you probably didn’t do anything wrong. Often, it’s not our best friends who do this to us anyway. If our long-time best friends are the culprits, there may be a conversation that needs to happen. Usually, we find ourselves just wanting to be included with newer friends, coworkers, or acquaintances and it feels like middle school all over again. Instead of dissecting why or how this could have happened, it will be a better use of your time and energy to set this action plan into motion:
Step 1: Spend time (in person or virtually) with your real friends. Invest in those you care about. Mark your calendar and make it a priority. You don’t have to give everyone a piece of you, but you know there are a few tried and true friendships that deserve a little bit more love. Who are the people that care about you the most? Who has been there for you when it really mattered? Who checks in on you? Now, focus on reciprocating that for them, even if there’s no Instagram picture to show for it.
Step 2: Try a new social activity. Need new friends? You won’t make them by doing the same things you’ve always done. You have to get out of your comfort zone, and if you can do it by tapping into things you’re already interested in, you may meet genuine friends with the same passions. Take a pottery class, join a group for golden retriever lovers, a bike club, or an exercising group. Choose a cause that matters to you start volunteering once a week. The list goes on and on! Typically, there’s no commitment with these things, so if you hate it, you don’t have to keep going. Making friends as an adult is a lot like dating and you really do have to put yourself out there (hopefully, in the realest way possible) in order to meet new people.
Step 3: Breathe new life into old friendships. Remember those friends who used to make you laugh to you cried? You might feel like you are oceans apart by now (and maybe you are literally oceans apart at this stage of life). While a lot has happened since you last saw that person, you might still have more in common than you think, if only those important memories. They might feel the same about you as you do about them, and what a missed opportunity it would be if you didn’t reach out? Make a last-ditch effort to connect with someone you lost touch with. Sure, they could have contacted you in all this time, but the phone works both ways.
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