Have you ever felt guilty for complaining?
God forbid moms vent about a rough day on social media; audiences accuse us of throwing salt in the wounds of people with fertility issues. Our hearts obviously go out to all those who are and we would never say something to purposely offend anyone in that community. But man sometimes a mom needs to get that day from hell off her chest to a friend, to Facebook, to the entire world if they’ll listen ha.
Or they remind us that we’ll miss these days when they’re gone (a very supportive response, by the way). I already miss those newborn days on some level, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that it WAS HARD. REALLY HARD! Colic, reflux, a tiny pink thing that screams from sun up to sun down. Don’t want to repeat that over and over again.
All women feel this backlash if they present anything short of happiness. It’s important to count our blessings and remember that the very things we’re complaining about are things other people can only wish for. However, our feelings are valid and it’s OK to air our grievances! Nobody wants to be Negative Nancy all the time, but there’s actual scientific proof that venting can be healthy. So, if you needed someone to have your back today, I’ve got it! It’s OK to complain and here why:
- Complaining helps us feel a sense of power in powerless situations. We may have absolutely no control over a situation, but in saying our thoughts out loud, we find solidarity with others who feel the same way. We feel better just knowing we’re not crazy and not alone. This makes an uncontrollable situation more tolerable.
- Complaining helps us problem-solve. Sure, we all have that friend who complains about the same things all the time yet never does anything differently. For the most part, if we realize others feel the same as we do, we think it might be possible to bring about change. We start calculating whether or not we have the strength in numbers to alter a situation. We feel empowered and motivated. Before we know it, we’ve actually fixed the problem instead of just bitching about it.
- Complaining can be crowdsourcing. If we’re upset, we clearly don’t have the solution ourselves, but others might. We complain because we’ve got a problem and the person who is listening might have dealt with the very same problem in the past. They might be able to give us guidance, and at the very least, might know what didn’t work. We can learn from others, but only if we speak up (because people aren’t mind readers).
Keeping complaints bottle up will brew resentments and make us sick. Sure, we should all think before we speak, and yes, some things are better left as journal entries, but don’t pretend life is all sunshine and rainbows if it isn’t. Ask for help. Talk about what’s bothering you.
Whether you share with your friends, family members, or followers, make sure you’re venting to people who won’t make you feel bad for doing so. After all, you’re complaining for support. (If you notice that you and the people you talk to most often do nothing but complain, you may need to take a step back. Talk to a counselor if you find you feel negatively about most thing most of the time.) You never know who you might inspire or what you might accomplish by speaking up.
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