My daughter entered this world 6 months ago, narrowly missing my ten year wedding anniversary date. Thanks for waiting an extra day baby girl! Being a second time mom I knew I had everything figured out and in place. I bought all the best, latest baby gear. Her closet was filled with the cutest pink frilly clothes. Her nursery picture perfect after almost a year of planning each butterfly.
Every need of hers was thought of. But you know what I didn’t think of? My own mental, physical and emotional health. Not even a passing thought.
The first couple months were filled with visitors oohing and ahhing over my new squish. They all asked how she was sleeping, what size clothes she was in, and what milestones she was hitting.
You know what no one asked? How I was. How I was really. What I needed. I was desprate for someone to ask about me. I loved talking about my tiny new ruler of the house, but I needed to talk about me. My recovery, my birth experience, my worries, my stress, my sleepless nights, how hungry I was and had no time to eat. I needed help.
We need to think about this. We need to talk about this. We need to ask new moms HOWS MAMA? Yes we can talk about the baby, but mom needs us too. You don’t have to be a doula, an OB/GYN or a therapist-just be a listening ear.
One of my friends, Lauren, is helping to combat this stigma and I would love to share her interview with you:
Tell me about the How’s Mama campaign. What is it? How did it begin? What are you hoping will come of it?
I started How’s Mama after suffering from postpartum depression myself. Once I was diagnosed, treated, and in my right mindset again, I began to replay the moments, days, and weeks after my daughter’s birth. I wanted to pinpoint a tipping point.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that so many mothers suffer from mental illness and it goes undetected, simply because nobody asks them how they are doing. Once with give birth, the focus immediately shifts to the baby. I created the #howsmama hashtag as a way to bring awareness to the importance of asking moms how they’re doing.
I’m hoping the message will continue to grow, and it will get more moms talking about their mental health. I want other new moms to know that it’s okay to not be okay. There is no shame in postpartum depression and there is help.
Since 1 in 9 mothers experience postpartum depression, why do you think it isn’t talked about more often leading up to the birth, in subsequent doctor’s appointments, and with the mothers’ support systems? Why do you think it isn’t talked about more openly among mothers in general?
I believe it isn’t talked about among medical professionals because it’s messy. Mental illness is not a black and white issue, there is a lot of gray area. For mothers, it’s hard for us to open up about postpartum depression because we’re afraid.
For me personally, I was afraid what people would think. I was under the assumption that if I used the words “postpartum depression” with my OB, that he would report me to CPS. In hindsight, that may have been my anxiety talking. But I definitely don’t think I was alone in those fears. It’s an uncomfortably messy topic for all parties involved.
Often we think of the most extreme cases when it comes to postpartum depression, but it presents in many ways. What were your symptoms? How did you know it was time to get help, and what kind of help did you get?
I’m so glad you asked this question. I went without help for so long, because my symptoms were not extreme. I was anxious and irritable. I would compare my early symptoms to severe PMS. But then they progressed. I was sad all the time. I didn’t want to leave the house. Finally, I knew it was time to talk to someone when I started having thoughts of hurting myself. I would find myself wondering what my family would do without me.
To this day, I am so grateful that I talked to my husband about my symptoms when I did. I can’t help but wonder if I didn’t make that brave decision, would I be here today?
Where can people get more information on the How’s Mama campaign?
People can find out more about the How’s Mama campaign at www.alsoknownasmama.com/howsmama. The newest chapter of How’s Mama is a collection of greeting cards that provide words of encouragement, empowerment, and support for moms. You can shop her collection at www.etsy.com/shop/howsmama.
Check out Lauren’s campaign and also remember this for anyone now or in the future you might be around with a new bundle. You don’t have to fix their problems or have an awkward intervention. Just be a friend and do what friends do, ask questions, listen to their answers and spread your love.
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