Anyone who has glanced at me lately knows I have babies that never sleep. Even 3.5 years later with my toddler I can run on autopilot with the best of them, but rarely have anything extra in the tank. Now that my 7 month old has been waking hourly for months now I knew something needed to change.
I am fortunate enough to be able to hire a postpartum doula to tend to my infant once a week so I can actually get a solid 8 hours. Even that one night can completely lift my spirits, makes me a nicer mom and wife and gives me the desperately needed boost my body has been craving.
As a therapist I always push self-care and doing what you need to do to live your best life. For me that was sleep. I have a husband who works unpredictable, long hours and isn’t around to help and my nearest family currently live 1000 miles away in the sunshine state. For us it worked out to hire help.
I recently interviewed my godsend postpartum doula Diana to see what tips she has to share for not only you guys but me too. Check it out:
For new parents desperate for some sleep what are the best survival skills/infant sleep tips you can recommend?
Don’t have high expectations of long length of sleep times. Babies stomachs are so small and can’t hold a lot of food. Our job as moms is to provide them the nourishment to survive. Tag team by having one feed, then one change the diaper and burp. Remember this is just phase, yes a long one, but its a phase.
What are the biggest “missteps” you see parents making that you wish you could fix for everyone?
Swaddling works. I know many parents think it doesn’t but there are many different ways to swaddle your babe. So many parents forgo the swaddling part, but if they think of it as they are mimicking the cocoon their babe was in like in utero. Yes they have moments where they fuss, but just sway and shush while swaddling and majority of the time it works.
When a parent is so overwhelmed, exhausted and drained and doesn’t feel like being a parent anymore what are your best words of encouragement?
Take a bath/shower, go for a walk, lock yourself in the bathroom for a few minutes and just breathe. Get a sitter or have the other parent take over so you can get some down time. We all need time away to be a better parent.
What do clients call in you for? What is often the greatest need?
Overnight care is the most popular with clients. Regardless if mom is nursing, pumping, or bottle feeding, its so rejuvenating to have a few nights a week, or just one, where you can get more rest than usual.
How can you help a second-time-around (or third or fourth…) mama?
Oh my goodness, is so many ways. I have helped parents care for babe while they are able to play outdoors with the other child(ren), work on crafts, do laundry, cook, nap with the other child since babe was wide-awake, etc. Having me there basically takes your mind off the infant so you can give attention to the other kiddos. Sometimes the other ones have a harder time transitioning to the new baby coming home, so it allows the parents to give them that time again.
Let’s say a mother can manage in the beginning, but needs help six months into the baby’s life. Is there an age cap on when you will step in and help? What is the oldest baby you have assisted with?
I usually work with kids up to a year. In my opinion, the first year has so many developmental growths that it can be challenging for parents. Naps go out the window some days so overnight sleep can be horrendous. The oldest I have worked with is 6mo.
Baby is crawling and teething at the same time so baby is awake a lot because they’re trying to perfect the crawling meanwhile they’re uncomfortable because they’re teething. Mom and dad need sleep so I am happy to help them get that sleep.
What’s the difference between a night nanny and a postpartum doula?
Great question. I get this one quite often. As a postpartum doula our focus is the mother. I like to tell people that I am a mom’s second set of hands. I mimic what they do during the night when I am not there or what they’re trying to accomplish. I am trained to teach mom baby cues, assisting with nursing techniques, feeding babe in general, schedules, giving baby a bath, etc. A night nanny focuses solely on the baby, while I focus on the care of the mother, and family.
How do you manage all of the overnight shifts with different newborns night to night without losing your mind?! (And what does YOUR self-care look like so you don’t feel burned out?)
I max out at three overnights a week, maybe four. I also try to not take on all overnight clients at one time, but sometimes that can be impossible since its the most popular.
The way I self-care is finding time to get out with my friends for a mom night out, or going on a date with my husband, getting my nails or hair done. I always schedule that into my life regardless if I am slammed with clients OR not. I need out! Its my lifeline.
A lot of moms feel guilty asking for help or hiring a doula. It can feel luxurious. What do you say to them? What do you do in this line of work to fight stigmas?
Girl, this is so true. I completely understand why moms feel guilty or hate to spend the money to assist themselves. I AM the person I wish I had when I had my son. This is why I am doing what I do. I know it can be sticker shock OR feel like you have to justify the support. I. GET. IT.
However, the one thing I tell people is that its SO important to have the support and not need it than look back and wish you would have reached out. My clients always have the option to start out with the minimal contract and add more hours afterwards.
Most parents don’t justify a car seat purchase, a stroller, or a type of bottle so why justify the unconditional, educated support for you and your family.
Why did you become a doula in the first place?
I had my son out-of-state from all my family and friends. I had zero idea of what I was doing, literally no clue. I didn’t have any support besides my incredible husband. My parents visited for the first few weeks, but lets be honest, its not the same. I was a stay-at-home mom, and the walls got SO small day in and day out.
I didn’t know it at the time but was in the throws of postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. Once I heard of a birth doula, which I thought was a different name for a midwife, and then heard of postpartum doula. I educated myself, talked to a few people in the doula world and knew instantly it was my calling. I don’t want anyone to feel the same feeling I felt. No mom should feel isolated, lost, alone, confused.
Anything else you think our readers could benefit from?
Postpartum doulas offer day and night shifts. Be sure to ask if your doula is trained. The state doesn’t require Postpartum doula work to be licensed, qualifications do vary. Following the scope of practice is one of the most important parts in my line of work. I am non-medical, so I do not give or offer medical advice, nor do I diagnose, or prescribe treatments. This protects both, my client and myself!
Diana Abdallah is the founder of Bello Bambino Doula. You can check out a YouTube interview with her here https://youtu.be/lyA4dnzU5js and find out more about her on her website here https://bellobambinodoula.com.
Jill says
Yay! I LOVE reading about the work postpartum doulas do. Thanks for interviewing Diana! She has so much wisdom to share.