“Suicide isn’t right”.
The comment caught my eye. A flabbergasted woman’s retort to another recent suicide. Taking your life is something no one wants to read about, most of us are afraid to even utter the word. This lady didn’t understand it. Most of the other commenters didn’t either. As a trained professional I barely do myself.
At first I winced and grit my teeth. Nothing I could leave as a comment would bring this person back, or even begin to quell the distraught mob demanding answers. Answers… as if there was a rewind button where giving this person a stern talking to could have changed the outcome.
I couldn’t stop thinking about that comment or the story. The story of just one of 129 who would commit suicide daily. Yes one hundred and twenty nine. Yes each day. Maybe that lady was right with her observation after all:
Suicide isn’t “right”
Allow me to explain. Someone who is that desperate, scared, literally willing to die for relief is not in their right mind aka thinking clearly. In fact nothing seems right to them. The way they are viewing world and everything and everyone (children, parents, partners, pets included) in it is warped. For whatever reason their brain is acting like a bouncer and not allowing anything good in, and trapping all the evil inside.
Most of us have a bad day and maybe wallow in it for a while and move on. There is no moving on with this form of sadness. Something is wrong and death seems like the only way out. Can you imagine that? Death. Dying. Gone. Forever. We all toss around “life is too short” but for them it feels too long.
Some of you don’t have to imagine because you have been there. Hopefully you have taken the steps to get the help you need, and don’t be afraid to share that story and give others hope who may be hopeless! But those of us who haven’t just imagine your loneliest day, your hardest rejection, your worst breakup. Days when you soul felt crushed, you hated the world and were so angry or so sad you couldn’t imagine ever feeling better.
Now loop that on a never-ending cycle. Never ending. As in the rest of your life. Pain, fear, sadness. Again they are not thinking about the right things in their life because to them there are none. They can’t just snap out of it or think positive. This is the lowest of low.
But it doesn’t mean their family or friends weren’t enough or were wrong-oh no. It isn’t right to blame yourself or someone they were close to if this ever happens. It is not your fault and you can’t cause this. Even trained professionals sometimes can’t stop it. You can support the people you love, but you cannot save them; they have to save themselves.
There is always something to look forward to and there is always hope. Maybe not in the immediate situation or circle you are in but there are magical people (counselors, psychiatrists, doctors, pastors, social workers) who can certainly try. We do this because we care, even about absolute strangers. There is good and we can try to instill that hope and plan for a future for everyone.
If we’re going to end this epidemic, one thing is for sure: we’ve got to start talking openly about suicide. If you or someone you know is struggling, find a mental health specialist to talk to or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
We are here to help and don’t judge. If you’re struggling with sadness there is no shame in asking for help. Michael Phelps recently stared in a commercial opening up about mental health. The stigma is being shattered. Look most of us need some form of help in life ask for it.
Here are a few steps to take now. You never know who you might help in the process.
- Look for warning signs. There may not be any, but if you spot risk factors, the person may need a little more support than usual. These include a family history of suicide and childhood maltreatment; previous suicide attempts; depression; and recent losses, like death, a break-up, or financial hardship. Seasonal Affective Disorder and postpartum depression are two very common issues that have also led to suicide in severe cases. Remember: suicide happens when a person believes their pain (mental or physical) is more than they are capable of coping with.
- Check in on at-risk friends and family. If anyone you know meets the above criteria, call them or stop by to make sure they’re OK. Text messages can hide valuable insights you might get through tone of voice or body language. (If someone you know ends his or her life, however, do not blame yourself like we talked about above)
- Discourage at-risk friends and family from using drugs and alcohol. Often people will try to self-medicate, which may exacerbate the problem.
- Suggest Therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy has been proven to work in people who have attempted or who might be planning to attempt suicide. There are also medications and over-the-counter supplements available to support neurotransmitter function.
- Vote. Not to make this political, but look into how your party and representatives support mental health coverage and funding.
- Get educated to teach and counsel others. There are a number of suicide prevention training workshopsyou can take to help others in your community and beyond.
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