Do I really look like that? (takes another selfie…then 30 more to get a good one)
Oh my god I hate the picture of me. Please don’t tag me in that.
I used to look so much better even 5 years ago, what happened?
Why do I hate how I look so much now?
Have you ever asked these questions or had these reactions to a photo too?
There have been many times recently that I’ve left the house feeling beautiful and confident, only to see a photo of myself afterward and wonder when I got so old or so tired-looking. It killed any of the confidence I had earlier in the day 🙁
Had I never seen the photo, I’d have remained self-assured, which makes me wonder what kind of badass, charismatic woman I could be if I never saw myself on film to begin with. After all, confidence is a woman’s best accessory (and we all know someone who may not be traditionally beautiful, but oozes glamour for that very reason).
This begs the question, why does seeing myself, flaws and all, have to change my self-image? Because I grew up in a Western society, fraught with conflicting beauty standards and it’s a long road to undoing the damage.
Even as a therapist, I’m not immune to comparison. In my case, I compare myself to my younger self. You see, I was the quintessential ugly duckling who came into her own after adolescence and then basically wanted to ask everyone, “How do you like me know?” The problem with that is that youthful beauty doesn’t last forever. I’d love feel as confident as I did in college, but I know it’s going to have to come from a different source than vanity. But right when I’m starting to accept everything, along comes Instagram…
Social media has really helped show women #reallife, complete with the sometimes ugly, messy truths that make us feel “normal.” Unfortunately, social media has also made us feel badly about ourselves. Have you ever found out that an attractive, wrinkle-free woman is the same age as you and suddenly felt like the old lady from the movie Titanic? Just me?
I have to remind myself that most women carry the same insecurities as I do (for better or worse), and because of this, they might only post filtered and Photoshopped pictures or have actually had work done. (It’s true that some women are just genetically younger looking than us without help, but I need to give you some valuable perspective for the day and age we are living in.) Just as their photos are not an actual representation of what they look like in real life, your sad selfie might not be the way you look IRL either.
We look very different in motion. Some people become very unattractive when they laugh, for example, while others look positively glowing! Life is about these interactions, which is why most people prefer candid photos over posed ones. Our resting bitch faces don’t tell the whole story. Can I get an amen?
Personally, I’m going to practice spending less time scrutinizing current photos of myself and my own reflection in the mirror. One day, I will look back and think how young and naïve I was at thirty-something, and I’ll be happy to have photos of myself from this period.
So stop taking ten million selfies and start looking out into the real world. You’re beautiful no matter what and stop and enjoy the beauty in the world around you too!
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