My reality check this time round is accepting that I will just never sleep again. After 2.5 years of being up nightly with my night owl I can write that sentence without cringing (wow go me). I keep telling people the only saving grace is that once our new baby comes in May at least I will be well prepared and trained for those all-nighters too!
My sidekick parties hard. He screams and laughs and cries all night. By the end of it, he makes me carry him to bed. And this dude doesn’t take a night off. I really can’t keep up with his antics. No, I don’t spend nights at the club. Instead, I watch the hours tick by in the comfort of my own home with my toddler. I never had a single cup of coffee in my life before the day my son was born, and two years later, I’m totally immune to caffeine.
I wonder all the time how this child could possibly be related to me, a person who needed 10-12 hours of sleep before his arrival. I’d sleep till noon and still be tired. I’d have won the gold medal in Olympic napping had the game existed.
I’d swear my son has been wide awake since the day we brought him home from the hospital. He’s got a serious case of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) that I hope will lead to great things in his adulthood.
After his first birthday, I decided we needed to seek the help of a professional (or two, or three…). We hired two sleep consultants, a postpartum doula, and a night nanny specialized in sleep training, all to no avail.
If you came here hoping for a solution, I’m going to apologize now. Solidarity I can give you! I am still deep in the struggle of it all, complete chronic mood swings. Sleep deprivation is so real. I cancel plans with friends all the time due to exhaustion. I’m like a walking advertisement for depression medication. (Although I’m not depressed, just wicked tired and isn’t that pretty similar in the end?) My patience up and left long ago. I have very little zest for life left. I am jealous of my friends who have newborns sleeping through the night. I resent my small child who only needs 3 hours of sleep to function.
Well-meaning friends offer advice, so I’ve tried everything from essential oils, to a crib aquarium, to a white noise machine, a spa-like bath before bedtime, to moving bedtime sooner or later… Some say he might be too hot or too cold. Some say he may just need Dad to put him to bed instead. I have had two years of practice trying all of these things and more and I am no closer to our son meeting the Sandman.
You’re going to hate this advice, but it’s what I tell myself: This too shall pass. And I’ll likely miss it one day. He won’t be little forever.
We exhausted mombies are simply doing the best we can while running on empty. We’re relying on the backlight of our phones to wake us up enough to go comfort our crying children, not knowing how we are going to make it through work, school or another day at home with them, but somehow we do it.
Know this: There are so many of us making it through the day with yawns and fantasies of running away to a hotel room to sleep for a week straight. Tired moms unite!
Do you have a non-sleeper too? Any advice or commiseration for us sleep-walking through life?
A version of this post has appeared previously here.
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