Do you remember finding out something about your mom and suddenly questioning whether you actually knew the woman at all? (She worked where?! She met who?! Are we talking about the same person?!)
Maybe after you became a mother yourself, you wondered what happened to that single, carefree girl that pops up in your own Facebook memories all the time. You might have thought for sure that you’d have to wave goodbye to everything you ever considered fun, in lieu of Sesame Street and Doc McStuffins.
Mothers battle the ultimate identity crisis because it’s really hard to reconcile who we are as individuals versus who we are as caregivers to our children. And frankly, there just isn’t enough time for everyone’s interests…is there?
If this sounds like your current dilemma, use these 5 ways to maintain your identity when you’re a mom:
Put yourself in time out. How can you possibly know who you are anymore if you can’t be alone with your own thoughts? Finding time to do something by and for yourself gives you a chance to recharge your batteries. Make a date with yourself, call a sitter (your neighbor, a friend, or a family member) and go somewhere by yourself. If you can’t exactly go to the spa, just make a cup of coffee, tea, or wine and go soak in the bathtub. Meditate, do yoga, or take a nap. Heck, libraries are free (and have WiFi)! There’s really no excuse not to find alone time at least once a week (but really, this needs to be prioritized with, say, brushing your teeth). Get away from the noise so that you can be a better caregiver to your kiddos.
Use social media for something other than posting baby photos. We all do it, but remember your profiles are exactly that: yours, and you are more than your role as a parent. (When is the last time you posted a picture of just you?!) Friendships can be worth their weight in gold and are an often-underutilized form of stress relief. Connect with new and old friends to catch up on life or meet up in person. (This means no stalking; you actually have to interact for social media to be social.) Feeling connected to another person can be a mood booster, especially if you know you can call that friend for support.
Discover new hobbies. Do something purely for fun, with no expectations or goals. You can go back to doing what you did before kids, or you can go in a completely new direction. (Don’t be intimidated; you have a child for crying out loud! You are clearly capable of incredible things.) With so many craft boutiques and community centers, you can easily try something new every month! Coding, pottery, dancing, learning a foreign language, painting, scrapbooking, cooking…the possibilities are endless. You’ll make new friends, get a little more adult interaction, and reconnect or spark new passions.
Get moving. I have a million excuses for not exercising, so I get it, but I always feel better after I do it. Make time for 30 minutes of physical activity each day, even if it’s just actively engaging in playtime with your kids. (Play tag or dance until you’ve actually gotten your heart rate up. Load the baby into the stroller and go for a walk.) You’ll see increased energy and improved overall health and wellness. Many gyms even have childcare, so you can get a break from the kids while making time for yourself.
Talk to a counselor. Our friends and family can only understand and help so much. Motherhood can be oddly isolating a depressing at times. (How is it possible to be surrounded by humans all the time and yet feel so alone?!) We have all felt stress, anxiety and sadness. Asking for help is not an admission of weakness, rather a declaration of strength. Therapists are trained to help give you the tools you need to get back on track. Sometimes, it’s just nice to have an unbiased person to vent to! Just remember: a happy, healthy mom is the best kind because she can be fully present to and make good choices for her children.
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