I recently had an opportunity to interview Lara McElderry of Married to Doctors. Lara’s work spans a blog and podcast dedicated to helping spouses of physicians find advice, connections and resources for any stage of the medical journey.
I only wish I had access to her when we were going through med school and residency! Is there a time machine in the house?
Check out her words of wisdom for Kelly’s Reality readers below:
1. What was the driving force behind starting your blog and podcast? What is your ultimate goal in creating it?
The driving force for starting the podcast was a desire to help medical marriages. We’ve lived in five states and spent many years in training. Everywhere we lived I would meet physician spouses, and their concerns and challenges were always similar. I wanted to create a space to discuss these challenges and explore solutions. The ultimate goal is to be a resource that addresses the unique needs of medical marriages.
2. What was or is the hardest part of being married to a physician?
For me, the hardest challenge has been time. My husband is a trauma surgeon, and the schedule has always been demanding. We also have five sons, so at times it was easy to be frustrated with the demands of trying to juggle medicine and a family life.
3. What are some of the most common concerns or problems you hear about from your readers/listeners?
Quality Time Together, Finances from debt to managing large portfolios, stereotypes, communication, and feeling second place to medicine are all concerns for some of my listeners.
4. How do you personally make your limited time as a family count when your husband is not working?
The three best ways to make family time count are 1. enjoy the little things: making a meal, working around the house, going to church, or playing in the backyard etc. 2. turn technology off, put the phones down, and talk to each other! 3. Calendar date nights and vacations and keep those commitments. Having a date to look forward to can make a difficult week pass faster. Likewise, get vacations on the calendar as soon as possible!
5. What advice do you have for someone starting out as a medical student or resident? How about for attending wives?
Everyone has a different situation. We have different financial backgrounds and individual goals. My biggest advice for medical spouses is to be who you want to be! There is no stereotype for a doctor’s wife, though society would tell us otherwise. So, be a stay at home mom if you want, or practice medicine yourself, start your own business, have a large family or no kids at all! Always be true to yourself when making these big decisions.
6. Do you like being referred to as a “doctors wife”? Why or why not?
I didn’t at first. I thought it might sound snobby and worried that I’d be judged by others if they knew my husband was a doctor. I’ve embraced it with time, I think of it like a battle scar. 7 years of training post-medical school, 5 states, and 5 sons-I feel like we need some kind of title! I also am proud of my husband and all of his work and accomplishments.
7. Looking back would you change how you did anything during training years or beyond?
Clearly, that was ridiculous. I have learned that I had to be intentional with my thoughts. Letting judgemental and comparison thoughts into my brain were painful, and only I had the power to change them! It wasn’t easy, I’ve had many backslides into negativity but slowly, and bit by bit, my thoughts about myself (and consequently about others) are more compassionate.
Have you checked out Married to Doctors? What questions do you have regarding medical marriages?
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