Did you watch the hit Bravo TV show “There Goes the Motherhood”? I loved it! The concept was a “mommy group” made up of a set of mothers with widely varying parenting styles. They met regularly to chat with a therapist and parenting expert to talk about the honest, real, raw side of raising children. I actually had a couple friends suggest I start something similar here in Detroit…may have to revisit that idea!
I had the pleasure of interviewing one of my favorite cast members from the show, Stefanie Fair, a mother of four and former singer for the group Wild Orchid. If the name sounds familiar you may remember Fergie as a member of this pop trio.
We chatted all about motherhood, self-confidence, raising strong children and her beauty secrets. Find out what she has to say about being in the public eye and her best advice for the rest of us below:
You were a member of Wild Orchid in the 90’s and early 2000’s as well as Bravo’s “There Goes the Motherhood” in 2016. Along with notoriety often comes vicious comments about your appearance and personal attacks from strangers behind a keyboard.
Did social media response then or now affect your mental health at all? How are you able to maintain your self-confidence?
It’s interesting because I think I was born with “thick skin”. Being a kid actress starting at age 8, I learned about rejection & other people’s negative opinions about me at a young age. I was fortunate to grow up with a lot of love from my parents so it was there opinion that always mattered to me.
I feel grateful that there was no social media during my time as a recording artist. I don’t know how it would have affected me? When I did “There Goes the Motherhood’ I was 40 years old and definitely in a season of life where I don’t care what people think as much & more defensive about my husband & kids. I was lucky that I got a good edit!
What advice do you have for someone on the receiving end of negative criticism or judgment whether they are in the public eye or a stay-at-home mother?
I have really thought about this lately. I often talk about with this my daughter as she has just started middle school. I try not to look at social media comments from people I don’t know. The good comments can be as bad as the negative one because they can go to your head.
If you are going to put yourself out there expect for 50% of people to like you and 50% not to like you. Everyday treat people the way you want to be treated and always strive to be better. If you know you’re doing your best the negative comments won’t affect you as much.
I am a big believer in looking as good on the outside as you feel on the inside (and you have both down!). What are a couple of your fitness and beauty secrets?
First of all, thank you! I always say I have a “Healthy dose of Vanity”. I believe in a balanced lifestyle as much as I can. I do some kind of work out 3 to 5 days a week… Yoga, walking, lifting weights. It’s like my moving meditation and the older I get the more it’s like therapy for me.
Beauty wise… lots of water, healthy diet, staying out of the sun, facials , happiness & of course Botox! I think people forget how much the outside is affected by your insides and what you put in your mouth. I try to limit dairy, gluten & sugar but I also believe you need to enjoy your life…. So eat that piece of cake without guilt once a week!
Did being on a reality show affect your life as a mother? Were there behaviors you changed or added after seeing yourself on TV?
I can say I was 100% authentic on the show & was happy with how I was edited.
It was a trip for me to see “me” on T.V. when I was only ever used to seeing myself as the character I was playing or part of Wild Orchid.
I realized I make a lot of facials and use my hands when I speak… lol. I tried to be kind to myself.
You are raising a young family of a daughter and three sons. What values are you trying your hardest to make sure they feel and emit daily?
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t remind them to “Be Kind” “Treat people like you want to be treated”. Especially to each other as siblings. I only have one brother so having the 3 boys can be a trip with all sibling rivalry. I try to lead by example cause I know there watching. I also have no problem apologizing to them when I mess up. There is so much strength in them seeing that its ok to mess up just try better tomorrow. Parents are just humans & we don’t know everything all the time!
What advice do you have for the younger generation trying to make a name for themselves? This could be a career in music (or really any other field) and facing tough competition and criticism and maybe wanting to give up?
I always tell young aspiring entertainers & my own children that they can achieve anything they want to if they work hard. The road may be long & windy, not to mention it could evolve into something else completely. Follow through & always finish what you started. Walk through open doors and be ok with closing some. I grew up wanting to be an actress & ended up in a girl group for 11 years singing and writing songs!
You never know who becomes you in life, so always be kind to everyone.
Have you ever dealt with performance anxiety or stage fright? How can someone overcome it?
I never had performance anxiety when I was younger, I was fearless. But as I got older it crept in & I still deal with it now. If you watched “There goes the Motherhood” you saw it highlighted on the show. I now realize it’s all in my head & I have to such out the negative noise but just doing what scares me. Becoming a mother took me away from performing & it’s like I forgot that I can sing. I think
because it had been so long. You need to just rip off the bandaid and not worry about perfection. Be kind to yourself, it’s like riding a bike.
What is your favorite part about working in music? Your least favorite? Why?
My favorite part about working in music is the actual creative part. Starting a writing session with a blank page and ending up with the song. I love collaboration aspect of working with other people, it’s always different.
My least favorite part if the business part. I hate all the politics that play 90% of the outcome. It’s not always the best song or artist that wins.
What is next on your plate career wise?
So I just started my podcast “Manic MOMdays” & I am loving it. So I am devoted to growing my subscribers & getting better. I am doing it grass roots style so this is a new thing for me.
I have also been in talks for a while about doing another reality show. I am open to it & we are in the casting phase. These shows take a long time to create & most of the times never make it on air. But I am a hopeless believer.
I am also still writing songs and singing on records for my husband.
What is your favorite quote or mantra?
You are MOM enough!
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