Has this ever happened to you either pre-covid or now: in a flash you feel powerless, invisible or small? You feel like life happened to you, instead of you being an active participant in the events that transpired, and you don’t recognize yourself now. Your younger self would have never done or said this or that, would have never tolerated mistreatment or abuse of any kind, or would have totally judged someone else in the same situation you’re finding yourself in now.
Whether you’re recovering from a bad breakup or relationship (friendship or romantic), have suffered a major setback or loss, suddenly find yourself jobless, widowed, or an empty-nester, or you’re just in the very bad habit of putting yourself last, it’s time you take your power back. If you can’t put your needs first, you should at least take care of your needs at the same speed in which you take care of everyone else’s. When you feel so far behind, it can feel impossible to catch up, but here are a few steps to get started today:
1. Take care of your basic needs. It seems oversimplified to think real change can come from drinking more water, eating one extra serving of vegetables a day, or getting a little more sleep, but aren’t these the very things we teach our children to keep them healthy? What seems to be second nature is probably getting neglected, when you really think about it. How many fruits and veggies did you actually eat yesterday? We all know sleep deprivation is a form a torture; adding just one more hour will give you an obvious boost in mental clarity. And everything suffers measurably when you don’t drink enough water, from dry skin to slow digestion to bad breath. Start with the smallest of baby steps and celebrate each little win.
2. Don’t neglect your medical appointments. Make sure you are scheduling your various wellness appointments like eye and dental exams, your annual women’s checkup and physicals complete with blood work, and whatever else you know you need to do. We make excuses that we’re too busy, but an illness will free up our schedule without our permission. It’s better to be preventative. Or we blame finances when there are free clinics available to us, or perhaps when we are spending our money in other areas that don’t matter as much. Again, this is an area where we would follow the doctor’s orders immediately if it involved our children. Why don’t we think we matter as much, especially when they depend on us to be healthy and to live long enough to be in their lives?
3. Make a list of all of the things you’ve accomplished. Don’t think you’re capable of very much? Put your achievements on paper! Have you graduated or obtained certifications from any program at all? Have you hit any milestones at work, like sustaining employment for six months? Have you found the courage to leave a bad relationship, be it a toxic friendship or a problematic romantic relationship, which could have forever changed the course of your life? Are you raising healthy children? Have you ever summoned the strength to do something you didn’t think you would be able to do? Did you ever leave your comfort zone and try something new? Make a list of all things big and small so when it looks like you don’t have the skills to do the next thing or that you for whatever reason don’t believe you have what it takes, you can refer back to this list. You have more to draw from than you think.
4. Learn from the past. You can’t fail if you never try anything, so any perceived failures mean you took a risk and actively participated in life. You’re human, so mistakes are going to happen. And you’re also not to blame for every single that has ever happened to you. By now, you’ve learned you can’t control everything and are hopefully working on controlling the things you can. So while you take stock of your achievements for step number three, and those pesky setbacks come rushing into your memory, ask yourself what you learned in each scenario. What were the lessons and new skills you walked away with? (Hint: After the smoke clears, there are lessons and new skills to be derived from even the worst tragedies.) How will you do things differently now that you are on the other side?
5. Start a new chapter. Not all change is bad, and you can teach an old dog new tricks. Take a class, read a book, follow along with online tutorials all in the name of learning a new skill or developing a new hobby. Listen to a podcast, or check out foreign language CD’s at the library. Pick up a musical instrument, join a club, take a walk in the park, or start volunteering. There’s an entire world of things you’ve never done or never thought you’d be interested in doing (and they don’t have to cost money). Make something your own and do it just because you have the power to do whatever you want.
6. Find strength in numbers. You are not alone. There are more than 7 billion people on this planet and as special as you are, there are plenty of people who have experienced what you’ve been through. Find a support group so you can lean on and inspire likeminded people.
The days of beating yourself up or putting yourself last are over. You deserve to be here just as much as anyone else. Along the way, you may have learned that the only person who will have your back is you, so if that’s the case, start being a better parent to your inner child. Make sure your basic needs are met, you’re up-to-date with your medical appointments, know what you’re capable of, remind yourself of all you’ve learned so far, and try new things all in the name of taking back your power.
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