We all know that number of people following us on social media means nothing in terms of who will have our backs in times of trouble. Who of those very followers can we call when the going gets tough, or hell, even when we want to make plans to go do something fun?! Often our real-life social circles are pretty small in comparison, but for some reason we still feel a hit or a boost to our self-esteem when our follower count goes up or down.
It feels a lot like middle school when we may have been excluded from “the popular crowd” or picked last in gym class. Instead of seeing social media for all of its intricacies, algorithms and paid followers, we see it as a true reflection of what we have to offer society. Are we valuable? Do we have something to offer, something others want? Will we leave a legacy? Are we still cool?! Or just plainly, do they like us? We may know better, but may still find ourselves seeking validation from our follow count.
If you find yourself caring a little too much about these spikes and dips, here are a few reminders:
Quality not quantity-What is the use if you have 5,000 online friends but no one you can call in your time of need? In real life, we recognize that the quantity of friends we have doesn’t mean we’ll have quality relationships with them, so whether it’s for personal or professional gain, we need to remind ourselves that the same rules apply online. Nurture those friendships who actually show up and check up on you.
Don’t be a dopamine fiend-Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that makes us feel good. It gives us a high. If you look down on drug users, take a look in the mirror first. It’s easy to become addicted to social media because each time we get a new follower or a like on our posts, we get a hit of dopamine. Be smarter than your brain chemicals and take control of the situation. It might help you to not feel badly about yourself when you lose a follower if you stop giving yourself credit every time you gain a follower. When you feel a surge of empowerment over that silly number, remember that’s it’s the dopamine talking. Reframing this might help you to not feel so defeated when you inevitable lose a follower.
Take a break- When all else fails, spend more time offline. Go catch up with a real friend. Pay board games with family members. Try to enjoy an outing without taking pictures for social media posts. Being present and interacting with the real life happening all around you may actually make you feel better about yourself, or at the very least, help you to care less about what’s happening inside of an app that could just disappear tomorrow. Let that sink in.
Try not to get caught up in numbers or fear of missing out when you see people posting pics doing fun things with other friends in groups. You never know what the reality is behind the photos. If you really want to increase your social circle start small. Reach out to a long lost friend or acquaintance. RSVP yes for that happy hour or networking event. Try a new group class. Try planning something fun with an existing friend.
Whether you have 10 or 10,000 followers or online friends means nothing if you are unhappy and wanting more out of life. Take charge and make the changes NOW and put yourself out there. Yes its scary, yes it vulnerable but real friendships and fun await. Hey it may be fun!
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