Lets face it. We will always be doing better than some and worse than others. It’s not so bad when we’re on the better end but when we start the comparison and criticism self-blame game that’s when it becomes a problem.
It can hit you when you’re feeling low. It can hit you when you’re feeling on top of the world. Competition. Someone achieving more, looking better, doing life “right”.
We start listing all of the things we are doing “wrong”, every flaw, tearing ourselves apart and nitpicking our bodies, lives, homes all in some pursuit of perfection that isn’t even real or that person we think is living it!
As a therapist I am constantly working to help others attain that elusive self-esteem and start seeing themselves realistically and positively. I’m not here to say competition is a bad thing, in fact, if it is motivating you to make positive changes and isn’t harming your psyche compete away. Just keep in mind that we are all works in beautiful progress.
Here are some of my best tips to pulling that self-doubt monster out of the closet and into the light to face reality:
Take note of your achievements. When you start to spiral about how much better others are doing at “adulting” (or anything really), take inventory of your own personal successes. Each of us has overcome some adversity. Each of us has experienced at least a few wins. Look at your resume, your planner, or through your old photos for reminders of where you have gone right in life. This includes turning down opportunities that may have seemed fabulous at the time, but would have been totally wrong for you.
Remind yourself that no one is perfect, despite the way it looks. Whether someone is purposely only showing you the best parts of their life on social media (and come on, not many people are showcasing their rejections, failures, and real first-thing-in-the-morning pics) or whether there are simply things you don’t know about their journeys, no one is as put together as they look. Maybe they deal with chronic illness, relationship struggles, or financial stressors; like the saying goes, “Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”
Unfollow accounts that make you feel bad about yourself. I’m not suggesting you cut people out of your life because they are more successful than you. I’m strongly suggesting you quit following accounts of strangers in particular, or people you won’t actually be keeping in touch with, that send you spiraling down that comparison rabbit hole in the first place. How is it serving you to see this stuff on a regular basis? I promise a weight will be lifted when you rid your feed of images that make you feel like a failure. Remember: social media should inspire you and make you feel happy and connected!
Do something about it. You can always pour positive fuel on the fire and call it motivation. If you want to go back to school, or go for that big promotion, or start working out and eating better…start now! Use that competitive spirit to drive you toward the goals you got distracted from.
Volunteer with people who are ill or less fortunate for a perspective shift. Nothing will make you recognize just how lucky you are than spending time with people who are struggling more than you are. Whether you’re serving meals in a soup kitchen or spending time in a nursing home, you’re guaranteed to walk away feeling #blessed. Instead of getting wrapped up in all the ways you are failing switch the monologue in your head to all the things you’re grateful for.
Emily says
Wow. Great post. I can find myself down sometimes and these are some great tips to get out of that! Thanks for posting!
Kelly says
Thanks so much for reading and I’m glad these resonated with you 🙂